When I am [only] for myself, what am I

Written by Rabbi Josh Levy — 9 July 2021

Much of the press coverage of the Prime Minister’s statement on the end of lockdown last Monday evening was summed up with the same phrase: ‘If not now when’.  Though the Prime Minister didn’t use this exact language, this certainly seemed to be the logic behind the sweeping relaxation of regulations, the move from regulation to guidance and ‘common sense’, which will come into effect on 19 July.

Now this phrase, ‘If not now when’ has its origins in a saying from the first century BCE – from the sage Hillel the Elder, in Pirkei Avot.  It comes as the third part of a famous tripartite saying – threes being a common feature of Pirkei Avot.

‘Im ein ani li, mi li; u’ch’sheani l’atzmi ma ani; v’im lo achshav, eimatai’.
‘If I am not for myself who will be for me, and if I am only for myself, what am I, and if not now when’

And there was another echo of this aphorism in the press conference on Monday evening, too.  Much of what was announced seemed to be heavily influenced by the first section: ‘im ein ani li, mi li – if I am not for myself who will be for me’.

The Prime Minister stressed the importance of taking responsibility for ourselves – that we will now have personal responsibility for our own well-being, for making our own judgements about how we interact with a society in which Covid is endemic.

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But for me, the most important part of Hillel’s saying is not the first or the third section, but the second – and this was rather skipped over, indeed barely seemed to feature at all.
‘u’ch’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’ – normally translated ‘But if I am only for myself, what am I’ – the articulation that we have responsibility not only for ourselves but for others too.

As we begin to open further as a society – and in particular for Alyth, as we begin in a phased way to bring members back into the Alyth building over the coming few weeks, ‘u’ch’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’ will be at the forefront of our thinking.

‘u’ch’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’ – It will be important for each of us to think not only of our own needs or own comfort levels, but also of others. To think about our personal behaviour for the protection of others; not to come into public spaces when feeling unwell; to self isolate or test if requested; to be careful not to encroach into the personal space of others for we are in different places. and many are not yet comfortable

‘u’ch’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’ – More important still, we will need to recognise that for many it is not about comfort but about safety – still about Pikuach Nefesh. For those – and there are more among us than you might imagine – an estimated 500,000 or so in the country – whose immune systems suppressed or compromised; those who are pregnant, or not yet vaccinated or only partially so (for us, about a third of the congregation at least).  ‘U’ch’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’ means that we need not to abandon those who cannot yet be with us but to do everything we can to make sure they still feel part of community.

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I have actually done Hillel’s aphorism an injustice.  The translation we normally use is less strong than the text itself.
‘k’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’ isn’t just about keeping others in mind – it is about having them at the forefront of our minds.

‘k’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’ – ‘When I am for me, when I am about me, what am I?’
When the driver of my behaviour is my needs, my selfish concerns, what am I?
When I put my own needs at the forefront, above those of others, what am I?
When I treat the world, or see the world, as a mirror for myself rather than truly seeing others, what am I?

‘k’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’ is a reminder that what we want is not more important than what others need.

We don’t know exactly what the next phase will look like.  As a community, we will share more about our plans over the coming week.  But what we do know is that there will be features of the coming weeks which will feel challenging for each of us in different ways.  ‘k’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’ is a reminder that it is not just about us, but needs to be right for others too.

This will be especially important to remember for those who feel ready and able to come back in, those for whom the end of lockdown feels like a release.  For them, there are going to be aspects that feel strange or frustrating: zoom screens and cameras in the Beit Tefillah, a continuing need to pre book, possibly being asked to pre-test or having temperature checked on the door; being asked to wear a mask for part of the time (that most altruistic of acts – uncomfortable, with limited benefit for oneself, but protecting those around).

‘k’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’ – ‘When I am for me, about me, what am I?’  Is a reminder to all of us that we need look beyond ourselves as we go through this new bit of the journey together.

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Yes, ‘Im lo achshav, eimatai’ – we are desperate to welcome members back into this space especially.  Now is good. Now is very good.  The ability to sing together inside will transform our religious lives over the coming weeks.

Yes ‘Im ein ani li, mi li’ – ultimately everyone will have responsibility for their own safety and the decision on whether it is right for them to return and into what settings.  We will do everything we can to make this space feel as safe as possible for as many as possible, but ultimately it will be up to each one of us.

And, for us, also ‘k’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’.  Also we have a broader responsibility to respond to the needs of others, not to leave anyone in our community totally behind, to recognise that the risk is still there, to still be accessible to all online, to make space for each other, to see the world through each other’s eyes – each of us doing what we can to protect and respect those around us.

Because, ‘k’sheani l’atzmi ma ani’,
‘When I am only for myself, what am I?’